


The Not So Delightful Transport

by Small_Hobbit



Series: At the Drop of a Deerstalker [4]
Category: Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 11:46:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10616262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Small_Hobbit/pseuds/Small_Hobbit
Summary: Mrs Hudson and Esme, the housemaid, discover their omnibus does not have its regular driver and conductor.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Ideas taken from the Flanders & Swann song [Transport of Delight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVHbF0jAzMw)

Mrs Hudson and Esme had caught the omnibus in Baker Street and were heading towards Waterloo.

All of a sudden Mrs Hudson said, “Good heavens, I do believe the conductor is Mr Holmes.”

“What?” Esme said.  “Does that mean Dr Watson is the driver?”

Cautiously Mrs Hudson peered out of the window.  She caught a glimpse of the driver gesticulating wildly at a cab driver who was trying to overtake them.  “No dear.  I think that’s Inspector Lestrade.”

The omnibus lurched rather wildly towards the right.

“Do you think he knows what he’s doing?” Esme asked.

“I think he’s making sure the cab driver can’t get past.  No, don’t look.  The cab driver’s making some very unsuitable gestures.”

Meanwhile, the conductor was making his way down the inside of the bus, saying, “Any more fares?”

When he reached Mrs Hudson she looked at him in much the same manner she used when confronting her tenants when there were fresh burn marks in the tablecloth.  The conductor nodded and moved on.

The omnibus lurched again and the conductor called out, “Hold very tight, please.”

Mrs Hudson held on tight to her umbrella and prodded the conductor with it.

Esme looked out the back of the omnibus, “Ooh, there’s some more omnibuses coming.”

“Don’t worry, dear.  They are quite gregarious and I believe they prefer to hunt in packs,” Mrs Hudson said.  Then she too looked out of the window.  “This isn’t the Strand.  This is Whitehall.  We’re going the wrong way.”  She prodded the conductor again.  “You need to stop this omnibus.  Ring the bell.”

The conductor reluctantly rang the bell.  The horses stopped, although the driver appeared to be encouraging them to keep going.  Mrs Hudson and Esme left the omnibus.  Further passengers tried to get on, but the conductor insisted the omnibus was ‘full right up’ and rang the bell again.  The horses began to walk forward.

“That was a strange journey,” Esme said.

“Yes,” agreed Mrs Hudson, “it’s not often Mr Holmes takes us on a: Four light vehicle …”

“Bright red painted …”

“London General …”

“Two horse powered …”

“Omnibus!”

The two laughed as they chorused the last word together, and continued their journey safely on foot


End file.
